What is a self-awareness journey all about?
Published by Maz in Interactions with ourself and others · 11 September 2024
Hi welcome to this blog about
journeying into self-awareness.
Even though there is a shift in
thinking about mental health for many going on a journey into self-awareness,
seeking therapy or just talking to trusted others about their mental health is
a sign of weakness and for 'losers’. I have found in my own life and for my clients this is
far from the truth, it takes courage, strength and commitment, and it can be so rewarding.
In this blog I want to focus on
what I mean by a self-awareness journey and why it is so individual yet can
benefit so many of us.
I see it as a journey of discovery which will inevitably
involve ups and downs with rough terrain and difficult hurdles but which will
also include paths which just urge you forward
as you want to discover more about
yourself. For some they will always avoid such a journey, dismiss it
instead look to numbing out, suppressing,
trying to forget. For those who decide to go on this journey it can be the most
important precious journey they will ever make, and usually continues through
life as they go deeper into self-awareness, acceptance and connection with
themselves and others.
As a therapist I get to continue my own journey as well
joining with my clients for a part of theirs.
Let’s explore what I mean by a
journey of awareness, starting with a basic approach.
The Medical or Social model of seeing mental health.
Medical model: The
medical model is formed around categories of diagnosis. It works on the
idea of 'what is wrong with you' and that can then help to find a way forward
under a specific category. With over 200 types of disorders that are
commonly used. Our NHS, benefit system and legal system all refer to
these categories.
Social model: Another
way of viewing our mental health is to consider not what is wrong with you but
What happened to you, and how does that affect you today. This also
includes considering your environment, culture, systems and institutes as the
opportunities available to you. This approach is much more individual and
considers the external factors and what you had to do to respond to them.
Like many therapists in private
practice, I am not restricted and choose to work to the social models, giving me the time to journey with my clients and gain greater awareness of what affects them
today
Isn't going on a journey just self-indulgent, and
self-pity?
I so often hear people say that
this is self-indulgence,
or it's about self-pity. They feel like
they are just being a victim; something they never want to do. For me this is
the difference;
A victim; Does
not take responsible for their choices, behaviours and actions. They look
to others to 'rescue' them and blame others instead of looking to themselves.
Yet someone who goes on a journey of awareness means that
they are able to take responsibility for their choices, behaviours and actions.
Here are some reasons why;
1) When you gain awareness of what
happened to, you gain insight
into why you responded the way you did, this allows for self-compassion instead
of criticism and judgement.
2) Being aware of why you make the
choices you make gives you the opportunity to make different choices.
3) Being aware of your relationships and how they affected you
allows you to reflect on and change the way you relate to people today.
3) Being aware of what triggers you
allows you to explore what happened to cause these unresolved issues.
By facing suppressed feelings, emotions
and memories you can start to resolve what was
left unresolved.
NOTE: Some of this work is really difficult to do
alone and often needs a qualified therapist to work with you.
This quote by Brene Brown sums this
up for me.
Without any awareness we continue
to react as we are triggered by past events. We blindly keep responding
in the same ways and repeating the same patterns of behaviour.
Being aware and owning our story
means we can make the decisions which are right for us.
Below is a list of areas that can be covered on a journey of
self-awareness and acceptance.
Covering early childhood as well as ongoing life experiences.
Your journey may include many of
these or just one. It may include areas not listed; each journey is unique as
we are all so individual.
*Expectations. For example: No matter how hard I
tried I was never good enough. I am now a perfectionist, and feel like everyone
judges me, what I do is never good enough.
*Decision making. For example: I was never allowed to make my own decisions, and I find it
hard to make them now.
*Anxiety. For example: My mum was anxious all the time, she worried over
everything I did, I now find myself expecting the worst.
*Life messages: For example: The family motto was “People have it much worse so be grateful and make the
most of it”. I feel bad whenever I do anything for myself.
*What you did to get your needs met: For example: I tried to be the child my
parents wanted so that I would be good enough for them. The problem is
now I never know what I want or need and just adapt to what others want.
*Unresolved Traumatic incidents: For example: When my younger sister fell and was badly hurt, I just
froze. At the time my mum
blamed me saying I should have protected her. I have lived with
guilt for years.
*What
you learnt to do with your emotions. For example: I never talked about how I felt so I bottled it in.
*Abuse: For example: My older brother
sexually abused me but I just pushed it away. I still get tense whenever my boyfriend touches me,
but I try to pretend I am ok.
*Shame: For example: I get this darkness which comes over me, and a deep sense
that I am just not good enough. It drains my confidence and I feel isolated and
alone.
*Body Image/relationship with food: For example: Growing up my weight was always an issue, my mum
talked about it all the time. I am now always trying to diet and hate looking in the mirror all I
see is a fat person. Addiction of different kinds: For
example: I need to zone out, I can lose
hours at a time just playing on my phone, or scrolling through social media.
I just feel like such a loser as I see everyone else enjoying themselves.
*Lack of opportunities: For example: I
never did well at school, my mum was ill and my dad did not live with us.
There was only me to take care of my mum and younger siblings. I
missed out on so much and now have to push down the resentment.
*Bullying: For example: At school I was shy, I
never had the confidence to stand up for myself and I was often bullied with
taunting comments and threats. I am over it now, yet some men just
trigger me, I feel threatened by them even when I know I don't need to be.
*Belonging: For example: At school I never felt
like I fitted in, I just didn’t like the same things as others around me.
I still feel like I have to adapt so that I can fit in but still I always
feel like an outsider.
*Anger: For example: I
get so angry for no reason. It’s like it is bubbling up inside me and
just spurts out. I don't know how to deal with it.
*Sexuality: For example: I knew from being a boy I liked men, but could never tell anyone. My parents
would not accept it and my friends were the type who would tease me. I just
couldn’t cope with this, so I kept it to myself, but it was so lonely.
*Culture: For example: My family came from a different area, I wanted so much to
join in to belong, yet the rules were so different, my family expectations were
so different from what everyone else was doing. I felt so torn, it was
like I had to be two different people when I was at school to when I was at
home. I still don't know who I really am.
*Power Imbalance: For example: A teacher at school
used to humiliate me, make comments that made me feel like an idiot. The class
would laugh. I felt like I couldn’t do anything as she was the teacher. I
still feel the shame of it now.
*Discrimination: For example: I looked different
from the other kids at school and stood out. It was never out and out racism,
but it was the looks, the small comments that got me. Now I feel like
people only see the colour of my skin, never me.
*Grief: For example: My dad died when I was
30, it was a shock to all my family. I needed to be there for my mum. I was the strong one, so I never had
a chance to grieve for him.
*Disability: For example: Due to a heart
condition as a baby I have never been able to do physical exercise like other people. I always felt like the
‘invalid’ who people felt sorry for.
I hope you find this information
useful.
If you would like to gain support
in starting your journey, see our page 'finding support' for more information
on groups and therapists.
Maz
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